get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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