break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
