I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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