were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
