Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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