i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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