More tranny stories later!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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