He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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