The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
