He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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