I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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