you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
