so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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