peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Michael Bay diarrhea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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