everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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