just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
