Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
