Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
