the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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