I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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