some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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