so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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