he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
