I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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