YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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