meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
