Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
