I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
