Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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