I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
