Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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