got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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