if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She even gives head with a lisp.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
