hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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