I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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