Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
