Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
