I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
