Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
