Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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