i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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