so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
