i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
