i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
