the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
