You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
