actually, I'm a sock model
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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