The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
