I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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