fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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