I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
