KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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