So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry about my life...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
