But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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