I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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