Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
