I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
