If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.