and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something