k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.