i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is my gift to your gina
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Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.