WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
