Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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