Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
